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  • Emily Drayton, Staff Writer

Who are U Fooling, UMass?

Seems like a thousand years ago that Abbie Hoffman said, “Never trust anyone over 30.” A recent story out of ye olde Commonwealth of Massachusetts highlights the profound disconnect that still exists between those who purport to be in charge, and those who are assumed to be druggies, dolts, and dangers to society.

With a vehemence bordering on the comical, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst is making it clear that, with legalization looming, cannabis use will not be tolerated.

Did you hear that, kids? N-O-T T-O-L-E-R-A-T-E-D!!

There is a web page.

That’s right, a W-E-B-P-A-G-E!!!!

UMass Administration actually seem serious about this dark ages stuff. Um… Dean Wormer?... a word?

First, you do know that everyone calls your school ZooMass, right? It’s not because of your giraffe collection.

Second, you know what your tens of thousands of ZooMass students are already doing, right? In dorm rooms, frat houses, private residences, with faculty, with friends, with parents… ? That’s right, the dreaded weed.

As always, they seem unconcerned about “The academic impact of using marijuana includes lower GPA and delayed graduation. If drug testing is required, marijuana use can cause you to lose scholarships, jobs, or internships.”

So if you geezers think that, all of a sudden… after all these years… well good luck with that… PS, did you notice that your neighbors at UConn are offering classes in growing cannabis? And 11 other universities and colleges in the US and Canada.

Competition doesn’t just happen on the football field.

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